Tagged "gym"

Round 2 and still doing it! It's all about feeling better!

It's six days later....


Lux screamed her head off again and I nearly gave up and was truly so close to grabbing her and going home. But she started to calm down in my arms and had actually completely stopped by the time I was in the car. Phew! It's so bloody heart wrenching when she's clinging on for what seems to really feel like life!! I'm praying that it will get better in a few weeks time. Fingers crossed!

So here I am again, I'm back in the gym.. I thought about ditching it both during Lux's screaming session and well since the moment I woke up today in all honesty. I had the perfect excuse not to bother because I truly feel totally broken....again. Lux woke up at 4am and we were up till 6:30 faffing about with toys and books and milk and then AJ got up for work, so that was that. (more or less)  With that explanation, no tired parent would have expected me to gym it, even if we did manage an extra little snooze until 8, because as we all rightly know, any 'extra' it's not the same when you don't sleep through.

I've got that all over too hot feeling as if I've been out drinking the night before and your legs do that thing where they just haven't got anything to give you or your body. I haven't been drinking though and yet I'm still bearing the brunt. I could have not bothered so easily but I put on my gym kit before leaving the house so I was ready in order to lessen my instinct to sack it off. I know I would look and feel pretty stupid if I was just in the old gym gear for show. That would be weird right!?

So I'm pedalling and my knees are, post chemo cracking again and clicking away in rhythm, but let's carry on and see what happens. I've planed 15 mins on the bike until I move over to some of the boxology strength exercises. What I consider my warm up... Only 10 more minutes to go.

At just under 5 minutes on the cycling clock the boredom is setting in. The very fit woman I just took the plunge and smiled at did NOT smile back. (Bitch) The interval setting is tiring me out already and I'm getting annoyed that there are über fitties in the quiet zone. What are you doing here? Get out, out, out!

This saddle is so frikking uncomfortable! 3 minutes and counting.

There's 22 minutes left on the clock before I need to leave and I really need a wee. I could just wee and go, nobody would have to know. I mean I've done 50 minutes which is more than I was doing two weeks ago, so surely that will do?

The wee can't wait so I grab my bag and head for the toilets, the skiving guilt already setting in before I've even locked the door. The next thing I know I'm in the what I like to call  'the man' or 'pump it up' zone' and  for some miraculous reason I'm there gripping the trx, albeit slightly self consciously as three guys stand around chatting fitness., but what a surprising turn up for the books. There I thought I was heading for the early door, when I've actually mastered not just staying, but upping the gym game to a new level altogether.

So I'm doing the few exercises I know I can pull off and with every squat and lunge I'm starting to not give less of a shit about all my gym insecurities and uncomfortable emotions and just do what I'm there to do. Woaah did I not skive after all? That's so unlike me! I'm the first to quit the gym or make up some lame (everyone knows it and I know it) excuse!

So I'm sweating and I've actually worked out until just over the 22 minutes that were left and I now need to rush out the door to go and get Lux. A result!

Go go go post chemo fitness more determined me, gooooooo! x

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New Years Resolutions start now

trainers-picOr at least for me they have... Post treatment it's time to make a change. I want to feel more me, look more me and live life better! So it's a day of firsts (or actually for Lux her second)  She's at pre school and I (shock face) am at the gym. I'm hating it, everything about it. The musty purple and blue carpets, the sticky floors and the sweaty stench that hangs in the air and lays quietly across all the apparatus. New years ResolutionsHow I got here is a miracle after hearing Lux screaming and writhing behind me as I drive off in the car. I'm doing a warm up on the bike, watching others warily as they look around too. Some of us feeling unsure, while others look like it's their second home. I want to run, that's all I keep thinking... Go on... run... run back to Lux and let her run away from school too. The two of us together on the run, on the lose, doing whatever we want, like Thelma and a mini Louise, except without the headscarves and highways, and more with suncream, (it's warm today) a cheeky juice for Lux and an iced coffee for me... (totes rock and roll) run-2But I stay, peddling on, looking down at my phone for the next exercise which AJ has kindly given me. Well when I say AJ, I actually mean his über cool Boxing Trainer from his über posh Marylebone Gym, Greg at Boxology Academy He's given AJ a full on exercise regime and I've nicked the 'doable' exercises on a scaled down setting... and so here I am, set by set, rep by rep. It's helping to have this on two levels.  One, I know what to do next instead of feeling like a complete imbecile, gym-dumb novice and two, I can keep looking down at my phone instead of having to look out... at the gym.. at the other gymmers... My hands are getting too hot and are already thick with grimy gym feel.. Time to move over the mats. I grab two 3kg Dumbbells and I start sit ups, pushing the bells forward. I want to cry. It's not the exercise itself that's causing the pain, but every time I exercise, it feels like I'm going to let the flood out. That's why I'm here in the first place I guess, to help rid me of any pent up emotion from the past year, that and obviously wanting to feel better, have more energy and of course look better too, it all goes hand in hand. But the dam could crack at any moment and I really, really don't want that to happen here. Working out at home though and I'm too lazy... half hearted... Aargh I hate this... As time ticks by, the lady on the mat next to me who looks super fit, flashes me a smile and I start to get into a sort of groove. I haven't run I've stayed, because Lux is staying too and so were in this together. I can pick her up in less than an hour, so I keep pulling down on the lateral arm exercise and hope it's doing me some good. I try to focus on how I'll feel next time, in a month, in three months and if Lux will have settled into it too. I feel calmer. I've heard nothing from the school to my missed call and text, so I'm praying she's ok, that she's calmer too. We're helping each other her and me, doing something new. After an hour and ten minutes of non lazy and actually truly sticking to the boxology routine, I've warmed down and I'm leaving the gym. I sort of feel a bit better and not just because I'm leaving, but also because I can feel I've done my body some good. Enough of a something to hold on to and to spur me on for the next time anyway. But for now I'm jumping in the car and racing to see my girl.
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